


HOGWARTS WTF

by KitagawaKenta



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, South Park
Genre: Creative Spelaing, Everyone Is Gay, Gay like an American, Gen, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, being magicla and goeiing 2 a magikel skul, sorting by sexual preference
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-25
Updated: 2014-10-24
Packaged: 2018-02-22 12:24:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2507744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KitagawaKenta/pseuds/KitagawaKenta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman are MAGIKLAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They get there letter 2 Hogwarts skul and HAVE TO GO THEIR PARENTS MAEK THEME!!!!!!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	HOGWARTS WTF

One dey everything was finee in South Park untal Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny's parents all called tehm into a room together. "Hello boys we have something to tellz u." Stan's mother said. 

"What is that?" Stan asked. 

"You might not believe this but you are magical people and are going to a magical school to learn how 2 use magical powers that will help u with everything u do." Kyle's mom said.

"WTF." said Cartman. "That is the stupadest theng I've evar heard." 

"No it's true Eric you are magical 2." Cartman's mom said. 

"And now you all get to go to a school in England." Stan's dad said. 

"NO! NO!!! I DONT WANT TO GO THERE. I AM NOT GAY." Cartman said. 

"Yes you are." Kyle said. 

"Well I am not gay like them I am gay like an American!" Cartman saidz. 

"Isn't it wonderfal Kenny?" Kenny's mom asked. 

"FUCK NO!" Kenny saidz. 

"I knew you'd be happey." Kenny's mom hugged him. 

"PLZ DON'T SEND ME I'LL BE GOOD NOW I PROMIZE!!!" Kenny begged but later the parents sent all four of them and dropped them off at the train station. 

"We have 2 go 2 platform nine and three quatars." Kyle lookzed at his tickat. 

"I dont see that platform!!!!!" Stan cried. 

"Don't cry u baby it just means we dont have to go to Inglind now." Cartman said. 

"Excuse me where iz the magical train?" Kenny azked someone. 

"O teh magical train, just run into taht wall over their to get 2 it." the man said 2 them. 

"Thankz!!" Kenny saidz. "Come on guys we have to run into the wall." 

"I am not running into teh wall! That iz stupid!!! Stupid like wanting to move to Englande!" Cartman saidz. 

But Kenny already ran into the wall and dissapeared. "OH MY GOD THEY KILLED KENNY!11" Stan shoutedz. 

"He is not dead Stan. He iz in magical land." Kyle said. 

"That is as good as dead lets forget about him and leafe." Cartman said but the other 2 ignored him and ran into the wall. He went 2. 

They were on the magical train and were the only ones there because it went to teh US before England. But then they found out they were not the only onez there, there was one more boy from South Park there." 

"Hello gents." Pip said. 

"AHHHHHHH!!!" they all screamed. 

"Do you have to be gay to get into this scool or something??" Kyle said. 

"Dont be silly." Pip said. 

"Yeah I am not gay." Kenny said. 

"Whatever Kenny." the rest said. 

"I am bisexual not gay!!1" Kenny said. 

"WE SAID WHATEVR OK KENNY." Cartman said. 

They all sat being board until the train came to England and a bunch of English kidz got on. They went around to see what people were like and met a red haired kid and a boy with black hair and glasses. THEYRE HARRY AND RON YEZ. 

"Hi." the Americanz saidz. 

"Oh, hello." Ron said. "Are you new students? We're Harry Weasley and Ron Potter.... I MEAN RON WEASLEY AND HARRY POTTER." 

"Wow." said Cartman. "We dontz care." 

"Shut up we need to make friendz even if they are gay." Kyle said, and then talkzed to Harry and Ron. "I'm Kyle and theze are my other friendz. American friendz." 

"I dont likez Americans tehy made fun of me in elementary skool." Harry said. 

"Shut up Harry lets show them how nice and polite we are." Ron said. "Hello Kyle and Kyle's friends. I hope some of u get sorted into our house." 

"WTF does that mean?" Cartman asked. 

"Oh, are you muggle born too?" Ron azked. 

"Yes, they are born gay." Kenny said. 

"Um. Well. THERES HERMIONE AZK SOME1 ELSE." Harry and Ron went away. 

"GET BACK HERE AND TELL UZ." Cartman yelled. 

"Letz just go ask someone else." 

"I dont care what they mean anyway." 

"Kyle we have nothingz better 2 do." Stan said. So they went to another perzon whoz name waz Colin who seemed even more gay than the lazt 2 but waz still nice and told them all about the houzes and stuff. 

"I just hope I'm not in the house with him!!! HE IZ WOARZE THAN PIP." Cartman said 

"Oh no! What if any of us end up having 2 share a dorm room with PIP????" Kyle said. 

"Dont worry Kyle something that terrible would nevar happen." Stan saidz. 

"OK Stan thznx 4 calming me." 

"O I do hope I am in a houze with my friendz from South Park!!" Pip said after Colin explained it 2 him. 

When they got to Hogwarts the boys whent with the first yearz and Hagrid to fly in the magical boats. Every1 thought it was o so magical then Cartman realized his gameboy adance wouldnt work with all teh magical magic around and started 2 cry. And Kenny started to talk about how hot he thought one of the girls waz. But standing next to them was the girlz brother and he hit Kenny and knocked him off of teh boat. 

"OH MY GOD!! HE KILLED KENNY!" Stan yelled. 

"You BASTARD!!!" Kyle said. 

"Now all thats left is our revenge againzt him!!" Cartman said. 

"YEAH!! DIE!!!!!!!1" the boyz tried to push him off the boat. 

"Thats enough of that, your friend iz fine." Hagrid said as he pulled Kenny out of teh water. 

"Yea." Kenny said shiveringz. 

"DAMNIT!" Cartman said. 

"Nice 2 c ur alive 2!!" Kenny said. 

"Itz not that I just felt like killing some1 for fun." 

"O we can do that later." 

"Why arent ye waring yer hogwarts robez????" Hagrid azked Kenny. 

"My family is poor we cant affards them." Kenny said. 

"O." 

"Pluz they look reallie gay!!!" Kenny said now that Hagrid waz not listening. 

"HEY!!" Stan Kyle and Cartman said because tehy were all wering the gay robes. 

They got 2 teh building and went 2 be sorted. They didnt pay attentin to anyone else being sorted because they didnt give a damn about them and neithar do I. Kyle was the first importent person to be sorted. He sat on the gay bench and put on the hat. 

"Hm.... Lets see heaar." teh hat said. 

"Shit u talk???" Kyle azked. 

"YEZ I muzt in order 2 tell u what house u r in. Only u can hear my thoughtz though until I say. So thenk back 2 me." 

"OK I have a queztion." Kyle thoughtz. "Do you sort by sexual preferance?" 

"Actually I do but it iz an anciant secrat. So plz do not tell. It iz based on the anicant founderz of hogwartz and their sexualitiez. But sometimez I have 2 include other factarz 2 keep thingz balanced." 

"OK whatever sinze u kno everyonez deepezt darkezt secrats can u tell me if I am gay or str8???" 

"U r gay." 

"Yay that meanz I can have sex with... nevermind." 

"So I will put u in the gay houze." 

"Plz no!!!" Kyle thoughted but it was 2 late. 

"GRRIFFINDOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!" teh hat saidz. And Kyle went to sit with the gay kidz he had seen be4. 

Cartman waz next. He waz gay too but the magical hat could see he was more evil than gay and put him in Slytherin, the evil bisexual house instead of Griffindor, the good gay house. Then Pip was sorted into Griffindor. And Kyle looked HORRORFIED until it was Stan's turn and he got put in Griffindor 2. Then Kenny waz the last of ppl I care about and he was put into Slytherin for reazonz only eval disturbing fanfiction writerz and readerz understand o and because he was bisexual. 

Then they had a wonderfal feast and Stan and Kyle hugged each othar becauze they were gay i mean afraid of their classmates. The other hogwarts boys in their year were Pip and some other kid that no one cares about. Cartman and Kenny the only Slytherin boyz their year ate a lot and didnt notice the evil ppl staring at them like evil ppl. 

"Excuse me!" Draco Malfoy teh evil boy said finally 2 get their attentan. 

"what do u want??" Cartman asked. 

"Arent u two muggle born???" he azked. 

"What?" Cartman said. But Kenny remembared they had decided muggle born ment gay. 

"No juzt him I am bisexual." Kenny said. "But we r friendz anyway." 

"O." Draco the sudden child molestar said. He decided that he waz lusting after Kenny and to be nice to him and his friend. Well nizer than he waz 2 other people neway."Hello I'm Draco Malfoy itz nice 2 meeet u." 

"Hi!" Kenny said and then they both kept eatingz. 

Then they went up 2 their dorms and all went to sleep and it was the end of the first day they were there!!! And I will pat TBC now becauze I thenk this is enough shet for one chaptar. 

TO BE CONTINUED 

OK 

Next time on HOGWARTS WTF teh nightmare continues and the boys from south park except Pip duh cause a lot of troublez for the skool. What will hapin??? Will Draco act on his bad impulses??? Will Stan and Kyle start 2 hate Cartman and Kenny sinze they are in the houzes taht hate each other?????? I dont kno well I do BUT U DONT!!! Youll have 2 read my evilnezz 2 findz out. C U NEXT TEMI.


End file.
